Weight loss diaries: I hired a personal trainer.

Hi, it’s me again. Or should I say it’s me, finally!😜. Now, I know I’ve been missing in action for weeks now, well five to be more precise but I’ve got good reasons. The quarantine situation finally got to me and I went into an unexpected hibernation fueled with carbs and Netflix and chill accompanied by my favourite partner in crime namely dear husband. As we speak he looks like an English bulldog and I look like a French bulldog. To prove my point I also might have grown a second chin double chin in the process. To think I was ahead of the pack just a few months ago😒 but I got cocky and slipped (You can read all about it here: How to get back in shape after the holidays: Take One )

By now, I am sure you’ve realized I am the sort of person who knows what to do but simply refuse to do it even if it’s just to save her own waistline. Besides, as a certified Libra nothing gives me more pleasure than telling people how to live their lives while secretly failing at mine 😎😩.

Now rest assured I did not hop online just to talk about my double chin although I’ve hooped online for much worse (read here: Life update) This time, I’ve got news, worthy news! Faced with the prospect of going trough summer looking like a bag of mashed potatoes, yours truly hired a personal trainer. Not an ordinary one. No Sir! I hired those ones that look like a walking demonstration for no pain, no gain. I had my first session yesterday. I came in looking cute and I left looking like I’ve been caught in a tornado. Here is an excerpt of our convo:

Trainer:” Now you’re going to walk for a little while then we’re going to alternate jogging and running”

Me: “Well, I much prefer walking, like I walk 10k a day so…”

Trainer: “OK…well, today we’re going to alternate jogging and running.”

Me: ….😲😞

I took a brief second to remind myself that I am not here to do what I want to do but to get results…

At some point during the workout:

Trainer: “Now we’re going to do pushups.”

Me: Goes down on mat and starts to get into position to perform a girl push up which are my preferred ones by the way. I find the man pushups a bit manly. (Insert chubby girly girl emoji here🩰🎀).

Trainer: ” What are you doing?”

Me: ” A girl pushup…”

Trainer: “Today we’re doing real pushups.”

Me: “Oh…but…ok…”

This morning I was so sore when I woke up. I was this close to believing someone beat me into a pulp in my sleep last night. Did I mention I am keeping her? Yes. She’s definitely worth keeping. since she’s obviously immune to my bull.🙄

We’ll see how that goes. I’ll try and keep you updated on my progress.

Talk to you soon guys! Bisous! 😘🐍

Weight loss diaries: Forever trying to lose weight

“In life, there are times when you’re gonna be as skinny as a celery stick and times when you’re gonna be as fat as a sack of mashed potatoes🤦🏾‍♀️. Get used to both cause starting over is the name of the game. “

The other day, I caught myself being pissed at myself (breaking news😂). It seems every year I find myself trying to lose 5-10 Pds either because I am skinny and ungrateful (never skinny enough which can be a disease in itself😩) or fat and delusional (surprisingly when I am really fat that’s when I think I have the least amount of weight to lose🙄). Sometimes I feel like I spend my time fighting petty diet stuff in my head all day long.

Hence, this excerpt of a convo I’ve had with myself so many times it’s not even funny anymore:

Husband makes homemade hamburger buns and instead of saying “Thank you” and enjoying said burgers here I am once again going around in circle in my mind:

Lower self: “I am going to eat two burgers. I am starving!”

Higher self: “Eat two but take one as an open bun. Less carb...”

Lower self: “You don’t have to do that, it’s homemade. Take two full buns.”

Higher Self: “You’ve been gorging on carbs for two days now on the account of it being homemade.”

Lower Self: “Life is short, Covid have thought us that much so take two buns and add some chips while you’re at it.”

Higher Self: “Ok, so now we’re adding chips too?“

Lower Self: “They’re air -fried sweet potato and yucca chips, you fool! Doesn’t get better than that.”

Higher Self: “Fine! Eat them you weak thing! Just don’t come crying to me when Summer hits and you’re looking 3 months pregnant.”

Lower Self: “Shut up you pessimistic bully! She can always google how to dress a pregnant belly when not pregnant.”

ME: 😲😲😲😲😲🤕

And just in case you’re wondering how that ended, just know I ate the two full bun burgers plus the chips and some desert. To tell you the truth I felt like I deserved it after that intense session of self-flagellation.

Now, what’s the point of this story you may ask: Well, there are two points to this story:

1. First one is to make myself feel better for using “homemade” as an excuse to overeat.
2. Second one is to tell you, in case you’ve been lately incline to do so yourself , that it’s a long road and there’s not point beating yourself to a pulp with the celery stick. The goal is to be happy and fit not a miserable dry pepperoni. Nobody has ever accomplished anything by beating themselves up. It’s a work in progress( I should probably record that last bit and keep it close by for when I am having a bad day🙋🏾‍♀️)

Plus, like I tell myself all the time: At the very least, it’s homemade!

Naturally I would be a hypocrite if I did not mentioned the extra pounds are gonna be “home-gained” as well…at the very least😉😋

Carb substitutes + a better alternative to mashed potatoes

Hi guys,

Check out my latest video on carb substitutes. New blog post coming soon. Bisous 😘🐍

Favourite at-home workouts to lose fat fast: Results guaranteed after 10 workouts

Hi everyone, I am very thankful for all the love on my last post: (How to get back in shape after the holidays: Take One ). Thank you and welcome to all of my new subscribers!😘🥰

Like I said in the last post, you need to start with what’s easiest whether it’s exercise or diet. For me it’s exercise. So in that sense, let me introduce you to the Firm workouts. I want to talk about the old ones from the 80’s and 90’s, specifically the Firm classics. This series of workouts are usually a combination of cardio, weight lifting and simple but effective body weight exercises.

Fair warning: “Book a bed and a nurse for the next two days before you try any of these workouts.”😩

I first encountered the firm classics at a second hand shop where I casually grabbed one of the VHS thinking to myself: “Dear Lord! This must be one of those soft porn exercise videos where naturally skinny women spend their time breathing in and out of ridiculous poses pretending to workout while barely breaking a sweat.”🤦🏾‍♀️ I confessed I picked this one up for two reasons: First, it promised results after 10 workouts and second it was only 0.99 cents. I also found it refreshing to see women looking lean but feminine and not like they’re trying to compete with the incredible hulk.🙄

I told myself I’d do the VHS over the weekend at get a good laugh at the very least. And laugh, I did but not the nice belly laugh of righteousness I was expecting but the kind of embarrassing laugh you give when you’re too ashamed to admit defeat so you keep going even if you know there’s a strong possibility you may be bedridden for life.

Number one: The firm body sculping Basics with Susan Harris: The one that started it all for me!

I was shocked at the intensity of these workouts. I was also pissed at the smiling ladies in bright outfits acting like they were on a picnic and making it seem like a breeze while it was clearly not😤. One thing for sure, they were not lying when they say results guaranteed after 10 workouts. You may not be able to walk or sit properly but you will get results if you keep at it. And that’s all that matters, right?

PROS:

1. Results guaranteed after 10 workouts.
2. Moves are simple and straight forward. None of that “jump and land on your head” type of move you often see in certain workout videos🙄. If you know how to walk, you can do these workouts.
3. You can grow with these workouts. As you become more efficient you can add more weights so you’re never bored.
4. You’ll work major muscle groups to failure. Before the firm, I had no idea what “muscle failure” meant. It means you essentially work your muscles until it feels like someone is literally pouring liquid fire on them.

Naturally, since I now know what to expect, I have to psych myself every time I am about to work out.🤷🏾‍♀️

CONS:

You won’t like doing them.

The Firm Parts Standing legs:

This one focuses on the lower body. And as if it’s even possible it’s even harder than the volume one with Susan Harris🙄 (in my humble opinion). Although the body weight segment in the Volume One is not for the faint of the heart. After doing this one, you’ll feel muscle you don’t even have!

The firm classic low impact aerobics vol. 2 with Janet Jones:

Don’t let the pretty face fool you! You’ll sweat and swear equally but you’ll be happy you did afterwards.

Classic Firm: Aerobic workout with weights with Sandhal Bergman. I believe this is the one where they introduced the “Fanny lifter” which is supposed to give you the hips of a race horse and who wouldn’t want that?😛

That’s it for my favourite workout DVDs; thank me later! Actually no, thank me now since there’s a good chance you may not want to speak to me again after doing either the standing legs or the vol. one.😅

If you’ve tried any of these workouts or are planning on trying them; if you have any other workouts you’re using that you love, please drop a comment below and let me know. I’d love to hear about them!

If you’d like to read about other type of workouts I’ve talked about on this blog, you can also check out this post: ( Workout that delivers: 30 min hit )

Bisoux😘🐍

Number one weight loss mistake: Failing to plan for failure

Today I am back with another article in my weight loss journey. You can read about my last post here (How to get back in shape after the holidays: Take One).

Dear husband is usually shocked at my capacity to plan my life around what I eat. In fact, if you were to ask him about my interests, he’d most likely say: Eating and shopping🙄. The minute I finish supper, I am inquiring about breakfast. Mid-breakfast, I am already worried about lunch. Lunch’s barely over that my mouth’s watering over supper. It’s a never ending story.

“Looking at the way I gorged myself on carbs these past weeks, I am not quite sure whether my goal is to be chubby fit or slim🤦🏽‍♀️. I am most certainly heading towards chubby fit….”

Which brings me to a very important component in a weight loss journey: The cheating pattern. Most people fail because they plan for success but fail to plan for failure. In their head, there’s only room for success so when failure happens they find themselves completely unprepared. They assume they are these great beings blessed with outstanding disciplines.

It’s not enough to say I cheated on my diet. You need to also take a cold look at the circumstances of this cheating and come up with a practical solution for the future to either prevent or diminish such occurrence. What was the situation? Who were you with? what time was it? What happened before? What happened after? what mood were you in? We’re looking for a pattern that usually lead you to cheat. Until you can recognize this pattern, willpower won’t work.

Last week and this week😶 were bad in terms of diet. I ate when I felt low and I ate when I felt happy, I ate when it was cloudy and I ate when it was sunny. I was all over the place. In order to move forward I need t o look at each situation in which I ate bad or overate and find a common thread so I can prepare adequately for these moments and limit them as much as possible.

PATTERN RECOGNITION:

Picture this, it’s Friday morning and right after breakfast.

9:00 am

Me: “Wheat are we going to eat for supper? Let’s get something out and plan.”

Dear husband: “Why so soon? We just ate!!!????”

Me: “True”!

We then each go take care of our respective business up until around 1:00 pm. At that time, we usually have a salad with some form protein. We then go back to our respective to-do lists for the day.

6:00 pm – I make a second attempt at planning something to eat with very little conviction since I myself am already slipping into” let’s-purposefully-forget-to-plan-and-order-something kind of mood”. To which dear husband usually gives a half-hearted answer. Naturally, I don’t insist cause I know what’s coming.

8:00 pm – Dear husband comes upstairs to see what I am doing during which time I express the desire of wanting to eat something…anything. At such time, we both agree we have no energy to cook anything. Dear husband pulls out his phone and suggests something like pizza or Indian food. I then offer a very mild version of resistance to which dear husband fail to even acknowledge.

8:45 pm – Whatever we’ve ordered gets delivered. We take it in the TV room.

The End.

SOLUTION

This type of situation usually happens closer to the weekend, like around Thursday. We are going to plan a menu specific to Fridays and Saturdays. We’ll prepare the menu at the beginning of the week and shop accordingly. Mostly something exciting since we often order out because what we have at home is not exciting enough to get us pumped to eat.

For example, on Friday, we can have burger night and prepare everything from scratch. On Saturday, we could buy a nice piece of veal and have some kind of crock pot with some veggies. This will not only provide us with breakfast for Sunday morning therefore allowing us to avoid binging on croissants but also serve as a base for a few more meals the following week. I believe that’s what most people would call adulting😏.

Since it’s obviously turning into a Serie, I will update you on how we’re doing on that count next week and possibly talk about other pitfalls. In the meantime, take care, stay safe and bisoux!🐍😘

My first YouTube video: Trying new things

First of all my husband made me do it🙈!

Count yourself lucky, dear followers, because you could have lost a very dear friend over the last few weeks and you wouldn’t even have known it. And Yes this friend is me. I do consider us friend, dear friends who don’t necessarily need to speak or even see each other every day to know that they’re actually very close friends.

So like I was saying, you almost lost me because I published something on the scariest part of the internet…YouTube. Yes! I did my very first YouTube video (which you’ll find below) and that simple act almost killed me.

Actually, I’ve been meaning to start a YouTube channel for a while now but somehow I always chickened out at the last minute. Every time I felt like I was getting close to making a decision I’d tell myself that I am a very private person who will not survive the nosiness of the internet. Which is more than a lie. It’s a God damn lie! The same kind of lies on which entire nations are built and quite probably even the universal declaration of human rights. As if I didn’t already have a blog on the same Internet!🤦🏾‍♀️ Anyways…I put the video for you below🤦🏾‍♀️.

Please be gentle in your judgement, I am a shy person who just happens to enjoy the limelight😎. Sad combination, I know….

If you think I look worried, it’s because I was!

So please, since you know how hard it was for me to even start that YouTube channel in the first place, go and show any form of support you can. Subscribe! Comment! Like! Please, thank you, love you!

How it all started:

A few months ago I started pestering dear husband about him not helping me be the best version of myself that I can be (forgive me, I listen to a lot self development videos🙋🏾‍♂️). I started pestering him about how I felt like as long as I am with him I’ll have to remain this unknown beautiful little creature that could have been somebody (bring in the violins and the pink champagne cause someone’s unhinged). Comforted in the fact that I had blamed my lack of ambition on the usual culprit I went on with my life, just as usual. Which means listening to self development videos and poking around my feelings, as if these were the only actions required to make it in this world.

But somehow, on the last day of Christmas vacation, I had the very bad idea of mentioning YouTube (probably a side effect of constantly flapping my mouth🙄). At this simple, innocent mention, dear husband literally jumped up: “You’re right! Let’s do your first YouTube video!”

Me: Complete resentful silence…

A very dead silence ensued during which I alternated between resentment and gratefulness. Resentment because I was gonna have to finally start that damn YouTube channel and gratefulness because well, deep down, I really wanted to try my hand at it.

So we did it. We recorded my first YouTube video😎. At first, I thought I was just going to drop it on my personal YouTube and completely forget about it until I heard dear husband say: “I just shared your first YouTube video on both my Facebook and yours!”

My reaction: 😱😱😱🤒😤😤🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

For a brief moment I thought of beating him to death. Only the thought of having to go back to E-harmony, Tinder and such kept me from doing so. Instead, I resolved to blame him for everything that could go wrong in my life from now until the end of time.

Come to think of it, I actually started this blog the very same way. You can read all about it by following this link: The F Files is one year old! / Déjà un an! . The English version closely follows the French version.

So once again: Subscribe, subscribe, subscribe! Comment, comment, comment! Like, like, like! Please, thank you, love you!

In the meantime, stay safe, wear your masks, wash your hands and most importantly kiss your loved ones!

Bisoux😘🐍

Do our dogs behave exactly like us? A dog after my own heart…

The most beautiful dog on earth according to its owner😉

Whenever me and dear husband have an argument I like to isolate myself until I calm down. That is until dear husband has had time to realize everything is his fault and I am a saint. Which doesn’t really take long considering the man is the only adult in the relationship.

So the other day I was talking to dear husband and he was like: “I think our dog is sulking again🙄”

Me: “Again?! All this dog do is sulk and fart”

Dear husband: “Yeah…Doesn’t that remind you of someone?”

Me: “Well, not really…I mean…”

Dear Husband: “You!”

Me: “Me!? Well, minus the farting part…I hope…”

No answer.

Me: ” I need you to answer this…like you need to reassure me there are more to our marriage than sulking and farting… although I do disown the last part…”

After having a good laugh at my expense he finally answered: ” Of course, honey…”

At this point my ego decided to believe him even though he didn’t look that convinced himself. Sometimes you just got to believe people for your own good, you know…😎.

But all things considered, Rhubarbe is truly a dog after my own heart and personality. We love hard but we sulk just as hard. We don’t hate because it causes wrinkle. We bitch a lot. It’s a way to get the venom out. Other than (all of that😋) we are adorable beings.

You can read more about Rhubarbe here: A new addition to the family

Bisoux and talk soon!😘🐍

How to get back in shape after the holidays: Take One

Last year right in the middle of quarantine, dear husband and I started limiting our carbs and eating mostly protein and veggies. With that, by mid-October I had already lost close to 18 pounds. I can’t even begin to tell you how proud I was of myself.

“While most everyone around me were crumbling under insane amounts of weight gain with some even growing extra chins in the process; there I was, 15 pounds lighter, walking around like the last man standing. Naturally, what was bound to happen, happened. I became cocky…”

And so disturbingly so I became complacent. I started slipping and not the kind of slipping where you miss a step. No. The kind of slipping where you miss so many steps you can’t even retrace your steps. All this to say; I am back on the getting back in shape bandwagon and it’s not funny. It goes without saying that I am bitter as well 🙄

If I look intelligent, it’s because I am not breathing🤣

So, with that in mind, please allow me to serve as both a warning and a messenger of hope with a few advice to help you stay the course of getting back in shape. A few rules I try to follow whenever I am trying to get back on the weight loss bandwagon:

1. Start right now! Do not wait for your fridge to be empty or your cook to die so you can be free from temptation. Start now.
2. Start with exercise or diet? Just start with what’s easiest for you. For me it’s exercise but it does not have to be long. It could be just 20 or 15 or 10 minutes of a fitness video or a simple walk.
3. Start small and build it up from there. The point is to get into the habit, not having result right away: One good thing I did right before the holidays was that I maintained or at least tried to maintain my exercise routine which was and still remains two sessions of weight lifting twice a week. Because I knew it was gonna be difficult getting back in shape after such a big slip and I didn’t want to find myself not only cleaning up my diet but also trying to get back to a new exercise routine.
4. Redefine result: When we’re trying to lose weight, we tend to obsess over the scale and lose track of other measures of result. Replace the word result by improvement. Instead of keeping track of weight lost or gained, at first; keep track of improvements. A few other “measures of result” that we don’t often stop to realize are: Having a bit more energy, mood improving, sleep improving, more focus… so enlarge your definition of result. I know it’s difficult because when I first heard of that same thing I was like, who cares if I am sleeping well as long as I am skinny?🙄
5. Start a journal to keep track of any positive things happening as a result of your new efforts.
6. Give yourself 6 weeks to start seeing some improvement. Notice I did not say results but improvements. There is a difference.

Next week I will continue with other tips and let you know how I am personally failing at taking my own advice😅 and update you on my getting back in shape journal. If you have any other tips and experience, please comment below. I’d love to hear them!

Bisoux and talk soon:)😘🐍

When we worry about someone, is it really about them or us?

Rubarbe, our cute little English Bulldog ( A new addition to the family) was scheduled for a surgery last week. Stressful week, I tell you! I was consumed with worry so instead of admitting to myself I was worried sick and maybe help dear husband organize the logistics, yours truly hopped on her favourite soapbox and started re-enacting a very unconvincing version of a calm, keep-it-together-at-all-cost dog mom.😖

Situation number 1: Me; “Oh, look at my poor little doggy walking around with no idea what’s about to happen to her.”😥 Meanwhile poor little doggy is walking around being his ecstatic devilish self chasing the poor cat and literally biting the hell out of the hands that feed her…🙄.

Situation number 2: Me: Poor little doggy…it’s like she knows, you know. She must feel it somehow...” Meanwhile poor little doggy is scarfing down the entire content of her plate and growling because said plate is starting to look empty…probably forgetting she’s actually the one eating it.

Situation number 3: Me talking to little doggy: “Don’t worry mommy will be there to pick you up as soon as it’s over”. Meanwhile little doggy is mercilessly chewing on one of my socks…🙄.

Finally dear husband who’s been listening from the sideline the entire time finally reached the end of his rope and jumped in: “I am confused, are you trying to comfort the dog or yourself?” To which I answered: “To tell you the truth, I am as confused as you.”

As much as I hate to admit it, dear husband was right. I was sick with worry but instead of admitting it to myself and do something constructive I decided to bug little doggy with it. Which makes me wonder: Sometimes when we worry about people, do we worry about ourselves or them? Are we projecting our own worries onto them? Is that a way to show we care without taking any real, tangible action? Is there even such a thing as healthy worrying? Comment below.

To read more about Rubarb: Why my Instagram husband no longer takes my pics

Bisoux and talk soon:)😘🐍

The single fastest way to live more in the present

Most peeps would say it’s meditation. These are the grown-ups. The same people that retired before 40, do yoga every morning and drink 16 gallons of water a day🐍. Naturally, being a free spirit, it would not be my immediate answer to the question: What is the single fastest way to live more in the present?

My answer: Get a living thing and take good care of it. Now by living thing, I don’t mean a plant that you can casually murder and use as click bait on your dating profile to endear yourself to your future ex. No, I mean a breathing, living thing that can bite and scratch like a dog or a cat. Or a bird or any other small animal depending on the amount of space available.

“Told you she was cute and abusive”

In June, me and my husband got a dog. An extremely demanding little dog named Rhubarbe. Our lives have changed so much since then. For one thing, we’re more relaxed and we laugh more. We also play a lot more. Mostly due to those sharp teeth which she uses freely whenever she wants to play and we’re not displaying enough enthusiasm 😩. With her around, no matter how hard I try I can’t stay mad or sad for long.

She wasn’t ready for my needy ways😂

A loving animal however small can pull you out of your head and Bring you back to the present moment. I think this is the best thing that could have ever happened to us this year considering how tough the whole year has been.

Rhubarb Sitting like the good little dog that she is not😩

What about you guys? If you had to pick a single fastest way to live more in the present, what would it be? Please share below!

Bisoux and talk later!😘🐍

Why my Instagram husband no longer takes my pics

Look at us. We look very happy, don’t we? Little did I know 6 years in I was gonna be replaced. At first, he could not get enough of me. I mean I was everywhere. Pics of me eating, pics of me sleeping, pics of me (again, I know) laughing and just being my beautiful silly self.

Of course, being the reasonable person that I am, I did not expect this to last forever. Just till we both turn 150. Is that too much to ask for a woman as beautiful as me? Most people would agree, it’s not. And if you disagree I don’t know who you are and what to tell you😎

Fast forward June 6, 2020, we left home a family of two and came back a family of three. I was replaced by Rhubarbe. A four-legged creature who farts and snores (If that sounds like someone you know, I am sorry😂).

How to make the most of your weekends😂

Since Rhubarbe came into our lives, my husband’s phone has nothing but pics of her. Pics of Rhubarbe sleeping, pics of Rhubarbe chewing expensive footwears, pics of Rhubarbe shamelessly biting the hand that feeds her (told you she was cute and cold). I could keep going but decency is forcing me to leave it at that.

If you must bite the hand that feeds you, make sure you’re cute while doing it😋

Between us guys, his phone has officially become a daddy’s phone. When I dared to mention this to him, his answer was: “Well, she’s beautiful and cute and deserves pics of herself everywhere.”

Shameful, I know… Which reminds me this used to be me…

Meanwhile, I have to practically beg for a pic. But you want to know the funny thing? I am not mad at all. Except when I am due for an Instagram post. In fact, I welcome my new threesome status. Things being what they are, I might as well show off my new threesome status. 😋😎

This shopping addiction could be therapy…

“When I was little, one of my dreams when I grow up was to shop until I faint. I do. I shop and dear husband faints (Once he realizes the amount of stuff, still with the tag on, I’ve got hiding in the back of my closet)“

I don’t know for you but I find shopping incredibly relaxing. Online shopping, that is. It allows me to clear my head, sort of like a mental flossing. Considering I am in a broke period of my life right now, I mostly browse online. There’s actually very little buying involved. Shameful, I know….Of course it would be nice if a black AmEx card could magically appear while I am doing so but, what can you do, eh? It’s clear I was born to suffer😞🤕.

With quarantine helping, my only solace now lies in filling and emptying my cart online either at H&M or Zara. I don’t actually empty the cart myself…someone (a sadist, no doubt) usually ends up buying the item. The way it’s done is just heartbreaking. The bought item appears crossed out but you can still see it.

H&M pleated faux leather skirt in green olive

Which usually sends me into a pity fest of ”why me😞” with pink violins playing in the back. The last time I woke up to find one my fav item crossed out, dear husband walked in on me, probably thinking I’ve just gotten news somebody died:

Dear husband: “What’s going on”?

Me: “Somebody just bought that olive leather skirt I just put away”

Dear husband: “Still buying stuff you don’t need?”

Me: “No, it’s not that. I mean I don’t actually buy them. I just fill my cart…it’s kind of my happy place right now…”

Dear husband looked sincerely relieved. His training is working. I am adulting big time and it’s all thanks to him. He smiles with the satisfaction of one who specializes in training hard-headed fools….😋😎

Dear husband: ” Thought I was your happy place?

Me: ” Not funny, you know. My closet and by extension my life may never feel whole without this skirt.😔”

Dear husband: “Don’t worry. It’ll come back.”

Me: “How do you know?”

Dear husband:” I do it too.”

Shocker! The man actually has a soul. He feels things much deeper than I ever thought he could. Maybe all is not lost after all….

Now if you’re one of those warrior minimalist type, you’re probably thinking to yourself: “Great! Another sick person trying to pass off their addiction as useful!” You’re absolutely right.

What about you, dear friend? (I always feel like I should be wearing a matching set while saying dear), what’s your happy place? If it’s online shopping browsing, Dm me. We could create a Facebook group. We could call it, say, “Broke online browsers anonymous”. What do you say?

Gros bisoux and stalk soon!😘🐍

The problem with finding your “passion”…🙄😣

“Major sacrifices will be required and we’re not talking blood of lambs here…”

Last week was my birthday and I am conscious I was all over this space singing the praise of gratefulness and the value of counting one’s blessings and I meant it….except…🤦🏾‍♀️. Today I am coming to you with a rant. If you’re beginning to think human beings default mode could be unwavering ungratefulness, you are not alone dear friend.

“Follow your passion and you’ll never work a day in your life”

This is such a load of bull (excuse my bitterness😩). If you look at the real root meaning of the word “passion”, it means : “Suffering, enduring,” from past participle stem of Latin  pati  “to endure, undergo, experience,”…The notion is “that which must be endured.” – Etymonline

“The sad truth is your passion is not going to save you from hard, back-breaking, numbing work. Passion or not you will not escape sacrifices. On the contrary you will have to make even more sacrifices than people who do not insist on skipping to work every day.”

If you think this is depressing wait, there’s even more heartbreaking news coming your way. Hard work is hiding everywhere, even behind this lovely passion of yours so choose carefully; because you won’t be able to work hard on everything all at one.

Most likely while you’re working hard on your passion, your relationships are disintegrating due to neglect. Hard work is most definitely hiding behind this soul mate you think you may have just found; hard work is also hiding behind this new exciting friendship you’re just developing; it’s even hiding behind these beautiful Pinterest inspiration boards (God damn it!). It’s been hiding for decades behind this lovely “boss lady” dripping in brand names and standing in a power pose that could put the incredible hulk to shame(ATTENTION: Stressful, dishevelled nights alone not pictured🙄).

Which is why it’s important to try and prioritize those things that are really important to you and refrain from wanting to win at everything cause the minute you win at something, you lose at something else. You can’t keep all the boats afloat.

So take solace in hard, backbreaking work if you want that passion as much as you say you want it; if you want that relationship as much as you say you want it; if you want those red soles as much as you say you want it; if you want that architectural digest home as much as you say you want it.

Bisoux and talk soon😘

Grateful to be another year older.

“Gratitude turns what we have into enough.” –

Anonymous

A few days ago (October 10th) I turned 33, I mean 43😋. Oh my, how time flies! Usually at this time of year, when my birthday comes around I’d be depressed, wondering why am I allowed to continue such unaccomplished, failed-to-meet-every-expectation-set-by-my-parents’ life. But this time, something different happened: I got tired of bashing my own damn self; it finally dawn upon me that well, 43 years has passed and another 10 may very well passed and find me still bashing myself for reasons that sometimes don’t even make sense.

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” —Robert Brault

What I am about to say may sound cliché to the point of possibly making you puke but clichés do hold a lot of truths. So I realized (I mean I always knew but somehow it never fully clicked until now…) a few things:

I am never going to be as young (and foolish😋) as I am now. Now, later on I might be better, look better but one thing for sure: I’ll never be 43 again.

Of course when you think about it this way I do wonder why in the hell have I not been celebrating all year long instead of waiting to the very end and get all mushy and grateful. But such is the human condition (mom, is that you speaking?🙄); sometimes I think our sole mission on earth as humans is to turn this simple thing called life into something so complex we can barely make it through.

in Dale Carnegie’s book How to make friends and influence people, there’s a chapter titled: Would you take a million for what you have? Whenever I feel a bout of ungratefulness coming up I make it a point to do this little exercise; I ask myself: If somebody were to give me a million for, say my beautiful eyes, would I take it? Would I exchange what I currently have for what I think I may not have or might have missed? Of course not! This simple exercise helps me put things into perspective and realize I have more than enough.

Now I am not sure if I’ll feel the same way once I hit 80! I can only hope to be lucky enough to hit that milestones with a full head of hair, great health and the people I love besides me!

Growing old can be a blessing if don’t insist on being a martyr☺😋

The many ways we procrastinate…

Today, I am coming to you with a piece of writing by a writer I really admire not only because she’s a very talented writer but because she’s my little niece, one of the very few people I can actually call early morning and give advice on things I, clearly, am not even practising myself🙄😎

The many ways I procrastinate…

by June

I’m a master of the art of procrastination. People like me typically do well under pressure. Why? We have spent our entire lives perfecting homework, exams, and projects at that last moment. I have no shame, so here are some of my Achilles heels for you to judge and maybe relate to.

First, I create a list of all the things I have to do, and sometimes if I’m really feeling productive (in other words, delusional), my to-do list has subsections. For example, chores:

• Clean the Floor

• Broom

• Vacuum

• Mop

My apartment is all hardwood, not a carpet in sight. But I feel I must add vacuuming to the list. I’ve owned my vacuum for almost six months, and I think I’ve used it twice.

Then I scroll through YouTube because I must have the proper music to induce productivity. Usually, about 3 hours later, I’m done with you Tube, and no, I did not create a playlist but I have expanded my knowledge on dance moves I can never emulate and watched enough cute cat and dog videos to make me want to get another pet. At least until my two dogs, Yuki and Tigress do something to remind me my life was more peaceful before pets. Not happier but quieter, but life is short, so who wants peace and quiet anyway?

Productivity is still the name of the game, and I haven’t given up. So I visit my best frenemy Netflix. Now I know what you’re wondering, ” How deep is her delusion that she thinks Netflix, of all things, will help her be productive?” There is a method to the madness. The goal here is to choose something I’ve seen several times before. So much so that it can become background noise while I do things. This sometimes works. The pitfall is the currently watching shows you have to scroll through before you get to that oldie but goodie. I usually don’t make it, and the next thing I know, I get up to pee, and it’s 10 PM.

I have accomplished nothing from my list, but there’s always tomorrow. I just have to find the right playlist….

How to get into the best shape of your life and keep the weight off for good

“Look at it as self-care, something ongoing like brushing your teeth every morning. You don’t brush your teeth for summer and then forget all about them for winter. At least I hope you don’t for your own sake”😉

The face you make weighing yourself on Monday after living it up the entire weekend🙄

A few years ago I started having problems I’ve never had before like digestive problems, overloaded liver, big up and downs in energy, anemia and my fibroids coming back with a vengeance. As usual, I ignored them and continue my lifelong quest of being skinny. But when the body is tired, there’s no ignoring so the hints became stronger and stronger until they could no longer be ignored. This is what forced me into viewing the health of my body in a different way because the old way simply wasn’t working anymore. I still struggle with my old “get skinny at any cost mentality” but I do believe I am getting better. so how do you get into the best shape of your life? My humble take on it below and I am still learning:

Examine the reasoning behind it: The reasons why we do things strongly influence the way we do things.

Back in the days I would lose weight for summer, gain it all back during winter and lose it all again for the upcoming summer except most times I would not necessarily be as successful as the last time and there would always be some kind of residual pounds left. But then again it makes sense when you look at it: If I am only losing weight for summer, it’s only logical that I gain it all back once summer is over, right? But if I am simply caring for my body and giving it what it needs when it needs it, then it becomes not a specific goal for a specific time but simply a way of life.

Change the way you see your body: Instead, see your body as your number one ally in this thing called life

When I was young and careless, I used to think my body was my slave, my bitch literally but as I became more matured, I realized my body is more than this separate entity that needs to fit into specific sizes. Instead, I am starting to see my body more and more as my most prized possession, my number one ally in this thing called life. Consequently, I understand I need to care for it in the gentlest possible way so it can last as long as possible and that made all of the difference. I want to buy clothes that fit my body and not force my body to fit into clothes that does not fit it. I want to be healthy first and foremost even if it means a curvier version of me. I don’t want to be skinny, I want to be fit (Can’t believe I am saying that🙄).  I acknowledge that my body is changing and I need to accommodate it by giving it what it needs. Which means: Proper nutrition, good sleep, rest and relaxation. Believe me, it’s not easy for someone accustomed to the next crazy diet and next crazy exercise (Proof: Workout that delivers: 30 min hit) but I am getting there. Me thinks it finally clicked.

The minute you start viewing your body, your health in this way, you soon realize you don’t have to hop on the next crazy diet. You have time. In fact, you have your entire life to get in the best shape of your life. No stress, no abusing your body.

What about you guys? Would you like to add something to the conversation? Has this quarantine forced you to see caring for your body in any different way? How has your view on health and wellness changed as you’re evolving into a better, more matured version of yourself?

On aging…gracefully or not…

“We all have that one person who insists on telling us the truth when it’s clear a good lie would do just fine. For me this person is my husband…”

Picture this. It’s Sunday, I am planning some content for Instagram and I trying to decide on the hash tags to apply to my posts in terms of age bracket.

Me: “Well, let’s see…I can put a #Over35Style# on that pic…”

Husband: “But you’re closer to 45….”

Me: “Thank you for reminding me and your point is?😒”

Husband: “Don’t you think it’s a bit misleading?”

Me: “How is it misleading🙄? It’s not like I am a snake and my profile pic shows a sheep or something?!”

He took one look at me and surely must have perceived the danger of starting a quarrel with an aging woman this early in the morning. Unless of course, he simply does not care about ruining his entire day.

Husband: “Well, I just think you should be proud of your age…”

Me: “Well, I think I am. I am soon to be 42 and I am not in therapy for it,
aren’t I?”

Dear husband: “Soon to be 43…”

Me: “Ok, 43! If you want to be this petty🙄….”

But let’s get serious for a moment…🤔🤔

 What is it with women and aging? Why is it such a turmoil? Is there something in the way society at large view aging women? Is it because we feel invisible past a certain age? Is it because, us women are vain little creatures who insist on being the centre of attention even when way past our prime?

What about you guys? How do you feel on the subject? Comment below!

If you like this article please share and subscribe!

The first and last time I went to a meditation class

“I’ve always envied people who meditate… It’s like the most grown-up thing to do; like saying no to that second glass of wine cause you’ve got to get up early for work the next day.”

Meditation. Yoga funny Cartoon By Gemma Correl.

Like I said grown-up stuff. Consequently, it was only a matter of time before I tried it myself. So one day, I woke up and told myself: I am ready. I was already enrolled at the YMCA so I just showed up to one of their early morning meditation class. I made sure to come in early to get a good spot. Just a tad bit far enough from the stage to exit quickly in case I happen to get bored out of my mind.😉

While everybody was getting ready to enter nirvana and make love to their center I was thinking to myself: “The teacher lost a ton of weight. Would she tell me if I asked her nicely? I don’t think she lost all that weight just by doing yoga…maybe if I tell her how much I love her class class, she’ll tell me exactly how she lost all that weight…”

In the middle of my pondering, enters a young woman, early 30’s. We’ll call her miss Yogalate. She had what I called to soft tofu look: Long, lean and all in soft curves. This kind of look is often paired with what I called the marinated Tempeh face (kind of like someone low key sucking on a lemon). She was wearing a loose top with matching yoga pants and carrying a highly pedigreed water bottle.🙄

Our eyes met. She approached my corner of the room and started spreading her mat all over as if I was renting a corner of her bedroom. I moved my mat a tiny bit further out to counter her effort at pushing my mat too far out. She looked at me and asked with raised manicured eyebrows:

Miss Yogalate: “Is this your first class?”😏

Me: “Yeah..does it show that much?”

Miss Yogalate: “Oh no, it’s just that we’ve been welcoming all sort of people here lately…so…”

In her presence, I felt like one of those flies that live exclusively on dead animals.

Miss Yogalate: “I was wondering….can you move your mat just a little?”

Me: “Sorry if I move it any further I won’t be able to hear the teacher.”

She  thought about it for a while and then a genius idea hit her: “Tell you what, she said, there’s a spot right by the teacher in front. Why don’t you move over there? You’ll be much closer plus she’ll be able to keep an eye on you…”

Me; “No thank you. I have the perfect spot. right here…that’s why I try and come in early…”🐍

To cut the whole t hing short, I turned around and started busying myself, getting ready for the class. I could still feel her eyes on my back. Finally, the teacher announced the class was starting. Saved by the bell.

Unbelievable. Coming in all late and wrong and still expecting priority seating.

Turns out the meditating wasn’t bad at all. Since it’s the first class I wasn’t necessary able to even scratch the surface of my center but I am open to give it another go if the opportunity rises. All in all I would do it again😊

You can also read about my first art class here: THE SADDEST ART CLASS I EVER TOOK

If you like this article, please don’t forget to comment, share and subscribe! Bisous 😘🐍

 

 

Bringing up baby: The first few weeks with a new puppy

“The first night we brought her home, we started grinning at everything she did with wonder and admiration. We grinned through her sleeping and eating like a glutton. Heck, we even grinned when she started farting with great abandon.”

Remember this post: A new addition to the family?

Noticed how blissfully happy we look in this pic? The sort of happiness only seen in people blissfully unaware of what lays ahead.

“When you’re blissfully unaware of what’s to come.”

I remember when hubby announced we’ve finally saved enough to get a dog, he tried to warm me up to the idea that the first weeks may prove to be difficult. I acted with the disdain of a clueless little person who’s out of her league and does not even know it:

Hubby: ” Just so you know, it’s gonna be a tough few weeks, I mean at the beginning…”

Me: ” You can be so negative😫. It’s not like we’re getting a full size Shrek or something🙄…”

Hubby: ” Well…”

Me (Cutting him off): “Listen, I’ve had plenty of dogs! You don’t have to worry about me! Worry about yourself!”😏

Fast forward a week later, we have not slept full nights since this beautiful, happy, angel face of a doggy entered our lives. But not to worry, she herself sleeps plenty as evidenced by the pic below.

Clearly her bills are paid!

”Her favourite way of showing discontentment is by screaming her head off at nights as if suddenly possessed whenever she wakes up to the reality that she’s not, as her dreams would have her believe, in our bed but in hers.”

No bed, no problem! When you can sleep anywhere!

Like many new parents, we made the mistake of letting her sleep in our bed. After one too many sleepless nights, we learned our lesson and are now in the process of trying to get her to sleep in the cute little doggy bed we bought her just for that. As expected, she’s justly outraged. Well, more like pissed.

Without going into great details, just know the past few weeks I’ve cleaned more poop than I’ve ever cleaned in my entire life…

Her toys of predilection are shoes, feet of chairs and anything within chewing distance.

In spite of all this, do we still love her? Yes. Because we decided we don’t mind suffering as long as we get to have someone that cute in our lives. Plus she’s just our type: Cute and expensive!

If you like this article, don’t forget to share and subscribe!

Gros bisous! 🐍😘

A new addition to the family

We have  a new addition to the family and her name is Rhubarbe! This is of course without counting my niece’s dogs (See how cute they are here )

Dear followers, just know you barely escaped a gender reveal. Of course, to make up for that expect the next blog posts to be flooded with pics of Rubarbe #Shamelessnewparents#

Now you may think to yourself, why did they (I meant “Me”) have to go and name the first addition to the family after a comestible plant🙄? Well, just know the poor dog came this close to be named “Cinnamon” (“Cannelle” in French)! Plus dear hubby owed me one. You see, “Cinnamon” was supposed to be the name of our first future daughter but when I dared to “suggest” the name to dear husband, here’s what happened:

Me: “If we ever have a daughter, I have a perfect name”!

Hubby: “Yeah…?”

Me: “Cinnamon”

Hubby: “Over my dead body.”

Me: “Why?!!” (I was sincerely disappointed😔)

Hubby: “I believe it’s one of  the top 10 hooker names…🙄😫.”

Me: “Oh!!??…But we can still…”

I was abruptly interrupted.

Hubby: “Like I said…over my dead body.”

I let it go…this time…BUT as a true female of my specie, I was waiting for him around the corner where he least expected it so as soon as it became sure we were gonna be parents to a dog I came back full force and I said: “Well, since you don’t want me to call our future daughter “Cinnamon”, I get to name the dog!”. The poor man was trapped so he agreed (more like gave up). It was between “Cinnamon” and “Rhubarbe” but since apparently, according to dear husband, it was the year of the “R” (names starting with “R”) for dogs, “we” (I”” 😉) named her “Rhubarbe”

#When you”re cute and you know it😎😏

“When you’re cute and you know it!😎”

Isn’t she cute? My work is still not done because they’re already ganging up on me. I guess it’s a father-daughter thing, eh?😜

Of course most of my time is spent trying to figure out ways to get her to love me more😂

Like I said expect to be flooded with cute pics!

Bisoux and talk soon!😘🐍

Why I started wearing more colour

“When my mom who’s pure Haitian noticed I was wearing nothing but black and white in most of my pics, she inquired (with great worry) if somebody has just died.”🤦🏽‍♀️🤣

Most times when I am getting ready in the morning, I’ll usually have this kind of convo with dear husband:

Husband: “You should wear more colour’. Colour suits you so well”

Me: (silently pulling out my all black outfit with hints of grey as accent colour. All of this with a smirk on my face.)

Husband: “Hello..Did you hear what I just said?!”

I took some time to answer since I was trying to put that in plain language so he can understand😏😎. When you’re forced to explain elevation to the masses.🙄

Me:”I know what I am doing. You see, black and white automatically looks more polished, more put together, more…expensive…”

Husband: (shakes head heavily, face heavy with sadness): 😫😌

Me: “I don’t expect you to understand, of course….”

Husband: “Right…it’s best to look like a debt collector…but then again what do I know? I am only just a man after all…”

Me: “See…you’re getting there!”

“A pic of me practising colour therapy and looking absolutely stunning doing it”😎😏

If I am honest though, he’s not the only one to tell me that. I remember one time talking to my mom and she said the exact same thing but in an extremely concerned tone:

Mom (🤔😰🥺): “Faye (that’s my nickname), are you all right? Is there something going on?

Me (😲😲) : ” I am fine, mom. Where does this come from??!”

Mom: “Well, most pics I see of you, you’re only wearing black and white like somebody just died. What’s wrong?”

Me: “What?!!?” 🤦🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♂️

Naturally, I tried explaining to her that black and white looks more expensive. I could hear her exasperation over the phone as she replied: “

Mom: “Would you please stop attracting bad things to you by wearing nothing but black and white and all those pale colours that make you look like you died just a few hours ago”.

Me: “But mom…”

Mom: “Enough of this! Makes you look like you’re about to cross over into the unknown!”

Parents just don’t understand, eh?🤦🏽‍♀️ I laughed my head off.

In Haiti, people mostly wear black when somebody dies. In times of mourning, it’s not unusual for people to wear black and nothing but black for a certain period of time as a way to cherish someone close who’s died.

You know, thinking back, there was real concern in her voice, like she was really worried and it cracks me up. I spent that day thinking about how certain colours can be perceived in certain cultures and I find that very interesting.

That’s probably why, last year, I made a conscious effort to add more colours to my wardrobe and let me tell you, I am already a changed woman, if I do say so myself😎😋.

What about you guys? Have you been dragged like myself into wearing more colour or did you just wake up one day and decided to add more colour to your wardrobe? Let me know in the comments below.

Bisoux and don’t forget to like, share and subscribe so you can know what I am up to (#shamelessplug🙄)😘🐍

 

 

We often underestimate people closest to us

We often underestimate people closest to us because well, we live with them! We’ve seen them weak, temporary insane and more. In other words we’ve seen them in all of their glory which is not always a good thing. It happens to me all the time. My husband will try to give me a bit of advice which is sound by the way and I would barely listen and always have something to say or worse intensely nod while thinking about a pair of sunglasses I’ve been thinking of buying. Hence the snippet of convo below:

Me: “Two more pimple on my chin. Great!”

Hubby: “You should lay off the make-up for a while, you know, let your skin breathe.”

Me: “How would you know? No offence but I’m definitely not about to listen to someone with a one-step skincare routine telling me what to do with my skin.”🙄🙄

Hubby: “Well, maybe that’s why my skin looks so good…”😏

He obviously has a point so I leave the room quickly in order to save face.

Two seconds later…

I hop on you tube and some random chick says to go without makeup for a while to let your skin breathe….🙄

Me (go find hubby and announce with great pride): “You know, after watching (insert random You Tuber name here), which I follow by the way (Couldn’t exactly tell him I’d just picked up this ‘life saving tip’ from a random You Tuber), I think it’s important to let my skin breathe…so I’ve decided to go without makeup… at least on weekends…😏😎”

Hubby: “??!!?😖🤯🤯🤢!?”

Of course, I leave the room as quickly as I entered because I just realized what I’ve done. I usually let an hour or so pass before making any sort of eye contact…😋😉.

But then again he does it too and this is something I’ve come to accept as part of growing old with someone. Still, I think it’s important to realize when it’s being done and call each other out which dear husband does very well by the way.

Do you do that too with people close to you? Let me know in the comments and don’t forget to like or share this post!

Bisoux and talk next week😘🐍

Losing the post quarantine weight: The Dukan diet

”Post-quarantine, I am the heaviest I’ve ever been yet the happiest. Still, happiness is not an excuse to double in size unless of course you’re training to be a sumo wrestler…which I am not.”

Monday, July 13th:

Post-quarantine weight: Undisclosed due to a massive amount of ego😎

Progress report as of as of July 13th: So far I’m down 5. 94 lbs (I am strongly tempted to round the .94 to 1 lbs 😋)

First stepping on the scale since quarantine: Monday, June 29th. 

On this diet you can eat as much as you want and being a natural-born glutton I find that comforting. There’s just one caveat…it’s strictly protein and veggies. To my knowledge most people are not inclined to overeat when carb and sugar are not the main ingredients. So skinnytown here I come!”

To be fair this post should be titled losing the pre and post-quarantine weight. As much as I would love to blame quarantine for my surprising (although I know exactly how it happened😉) weight gain, I still somehow feel the need to accept some responsibility for this weight gain🙄. 

Today marks three weeks since I’ve been on the Dukan diet. The last time I was on this diet I had about 10 pounds to lose which I lost very easily. Maybe because I wasn’t as fat as I thought…🙄. If you were skinny and you didn’t know it raise your hands🙆🏽‍♀️🙋🏽‍♀️.

Well, this time unlike last time, I am really overweight (About 20 pds overweight😶)

What is the Dukan diet?

It’s a high quality protein/low carb diet structured in 4 phases: Attack, Cruise, consolidation and stabilization. You can find more by following this link: (https://www.dukandiet.com/low-carb-diet/4-phases).

What I like about this diet:

1. You can eat as much as you want as long as long as you stick with the list of food below which is pretty extensive if you ask me.

2. Since you’re eating strictly lean protein and veggies for a while, it acts as a natural appetite suppressant. Most people are not highly motivated to overeat where carb and sugar are not the main ingredient. 

3. You can go the the Dukan website and have an outline made for you using the 4 phases of the diet depending on your current weight, goal weight as well  as your true weight. The plan tells you how long each phase will last based on your ”predicament😉”

4. Have you ever had recipe books with ingredients so exotic, you’d need to travel around the world just to get them🙄? Well, not with their recipe book. But then again I could be wrong since dear husband cooks most of our meals. I am only the assistant chef after all. It may take a little time to get around but the ingredients used are easy enough to find and most importantly they are ”swappable”.

5. In the book, there are plenty of dessert recipes to chose from which is always a plus. As an example you have a cheese cake recipe that is not bad at all (food pic number 1).

And just in case you’re tempted to feel sorry for me, here’s a few pics of what I’ve been eating so far😁

Number 1 and 2 are from the Dukan recipe book. The fries are rutabaga fries and they were so good! I think I may turn this into a serie complete with food journal where I’ll report weight and observations while on this diet. What do you think? Let me know!

Gros bisoux!😎🐍

 

 

 

 

Acne be gone: 3 things to help manage acne

Remember in my previous post about acne where I talked about my holy grail products (Here)? Well, I m back again this time with a slightly different post. But first, let me tell you how I’ve been failing at taking my own advice. After finally realizing eternal beauty could be mine, I immediately dropped all form of skin care routine and started basking full time in my own reflection. And then it happened… I started skipping my nightly routine and going to bed with..GASP!…make-up on! (If you’re shocked by this revelation, just know I myself am so shocked I am shaking while writing this 😉). Such blatant hypocrisy should be punishable by law😋.

Unfortunately this is not the first time this has happened. It is a vicious circle and it goes like this: First, acne shows its ugly face. In return, I immediately hop on the acne-fighting bandwagon, 300-steps routine and all🙄. Acne clears up. I then start basking in my victory and immediately drops all form of routine. Acne quickly comes back with a vengeance which means I start all over again. This process has made me doubt my intelligence many times over🥴.

Which brings us to this all too-often forgotten piece of advice:

“As with may things in life, maintaining good skin is an ongoing battle (depressing…I know…😔). Just like you wouldn’t eat one meal and consider yourself fed for the rest of your life, you don’t just fight acne once and consider yourself acne-free for life.”

Since the fight is ongoing, we’re obviously gonna have to do a bit of “Expectation management“. I prefer to call it giving success a chance.

In my previous naive life, my definition of good skin was my niece’s skin which means someone with perfect skin as if it was a birthright. Someone who actually talks to the few pimples she rarely gets, if ever, and they actually listen!?!🤯(Read Acne begone: Biotherm two must-have products).

A lot of times we fail not because we’re incompetent but because we want to jump before we can walk.

Settle for good skin. Not glass skin, not dewy skin, not “shine bright like a diamond” skin. No! Just. Plain. good. skin.”

Following this revelation, I had to come up with my own definition of “perfect skin” based on what I feel I could achieve with a bit of effort. So I decided for myself that perfect skin for me was skin that looks healthy enough.  This could mean getting by with light make-up on a bad day and no make-up on a good day.  It’s okay to go make-up free with a few pimples here and there and dark spots as long as overall, my skin looks healthy. My skin does not have to be perfect to go make-up free (still working on this one).

Yes, I know, you and I probably know some people who can actually eat all the sugar and cheese they want and still wake up with a glow that would put the sun to shame. As if great skin was their birthright. Let us not waste time hating on these people (at least not full time🐍😉) and be comforted in the fact that sooner or later justice will be served 😂😎.

Know thyself: Drop the “300-steps skincare routine🙄”

If you know you’re lazy when it comes to skin care then please refrain from being excited at the next “300-step skincare routine” trend.🤦🏾‍♀️This used to be me and I am not even sure I am over it…🙈.

Now I don’t always follow my own advice nor do I always remember to practice those rules I set for myself when it comes to fighting acne but whenever I do remember them, it certainly help. Maybe they can help you too in your quest for “perfect skin” if you give them a try?

Bisoux and let’s talk soon!

Acne begone: Two acne-fighting products I use constantly!

”Whenever my husband tries to give me advice on skincare I shrug…I mean what can somebody with a one-step skincare routine teach ME, a person with a cabinet full of unused beauty products; about skincare?’‘

Following my previous acne posts (here and here) I want to introduce you to two other amazing acne-fighting products I’ve been using constantly these past few weeks.

Yves Rocher Sebo Végétal Pure 3-in-1 Cleanser Scrub & Blackheads and Neutrogena Deep clean facial cleanser normal to oily skin.

This combination is a miracle worker. I use the Yves Rocher Sebo Végétal Pure 3-in-1 Cleanser Scrub & Blackheads in conjunction with the Neutrogena Deep clean facial cleanser normal to oily skin (this one needs no introduction and is pictured below). I put a  tiny amount of each of them together on a cotton pad, add a tiny bit of water and start rubbing gently in a circular motion. The Yves Rocher Sebo Végétal Pure 3-in-1 Cleanser Scrub & Blackheads contains salicylic acid and doubles as both a cleanser and a scrub. I like the fact that it’s made of tiny little grains that really do an amazing job of getting rid of all the dead skin and extra sebum on a daily basis.

Yves Rocher Sebo Végétal Pure 3-in-1 Cleanser Scrub & Blackheads

This little gem stayed in my beauty cabinet for quite some time before I even cared to look at it. Why? Because dear husband bought it for me and as a true self-respecting ”beauty expert”😌, I like to think I know better than my husband when it comes to skincare. I mean How can someone with a one-step- routine advise me about skincare? Hence this conversation:

• Dear husband: ”Honey I have a surprise for you!”

I summon all the excitement I could muster on such short notice 🥱 and profusely thank him more to convince myself than to convince him. Of course he saw right through me and continued:

• Dear husband: ”You’ve been complaining about your pimples so I bought you this”

The man could barely contain his excitement and for a brief moment I felt a bit ungrateful. That din’t last long though but it’s worth mentioning…

• Me (eyerolls): ‘‘But I already bought some stuff, you know…”🙄
• Dear husband: ”Listen to this: the sales lady was black like you and I made sure to specify that I needed products tailored to your skin tone…not just acne, you know” 

Hearing that I almost cried😳. I was as proud as a mother on first day of kindergarten. How did I get so lucky? I became riddled with guilt, guilt for all those times I laughed at his advice because well, what can somebody with a one-step skincare routine teach me about skin? As it turns out a lot. But since we’re not here to bash ourselves, we won’t talk about that.😋

What about you guys? Do you have any products that you consider a miracle worker when it comes to acne? Let me know!

 

 

 

 

Acne begone: Biotherm two must-have products

Biotherm: The key to eternal beauty

“With these two products, I can finally accomplish my lifelong dream of being a respected member of the #Iwakeuplikethis# crowd😎”

Lately, I have been dealing with a bunch of those awful skin deep big bad ass bumps that never seem to go away, 😐hence this past convo with my niece:

Me: Looking at a few tiny pimples on my niece’s face “Hey, you have some pimples!“🐍😈

I regret to admit I almost jumped for joy. I finally have a common misery with someone with perfect skin!

Niece: “…Oh yeah…but they won’t last.” Literally the picture of cool, calm and collected.

I ignored her answer thinking I’d gained a friend in my fight against acne, I immediately launched into elaborate explanations and methods for getting rid of said acne.

Niece: “I’ll talk to them tonight and by tomorrow they’ll be gone”.

Me: “!!!????###!!..You mean you talk to your pimples and they actually listen!!??”

Niece: “Yep“

Me :”Some people are truly born lucky“🤷🏾‍♀️

Since I like to think I make my own luck, I frantically went into researching mode for the best way to deal with my sudden bouts of acne.

ENTERS BIOTHERM: YES! I HAVE DISCOVERED THE KEY TO ETERNAL BEAUTY…

AQUA bounce super concentrate

While researching I remember reading that Hyaluronic acid helps strengthens the skin barrier so it can better defends itself against aggressors. it’s basically nourishment for your skin, allowing it to fight inflammation which is the main culprit behind those a God awful pesky bumps!

AQUA pure super concentrate

According to dermatologists, salicylic acid helps to unclog the pores and eliminate dead skin cells, leaving the skin looking clear.

The best part, contrary to most acne products, these two products are so gentle on the skin. You just wake up with those bumps getting smaller and smaller.

Now that you know all of my secrets, I hope you won’t mind sharing yours! Stay tune for part two of the acne begone serie! Bisoux

Sticking to an exercise routine

Will walk for a double espresso with 3 brown sugars.

How many times have you tried to encourage or enforce a certain behaviour simply with fear of punishment?

In my case, plenty of times. In fact me think self-flagellation may be my default-mode😫. You can read all about my torture chamber here and I can’t even promise I won’t be back Workout that delivers: 30 min hit

The carrot and stick method

According to Wikipedia The phrase “carrot and stick” is a metaphor for the use of a combination of reward and punishment to induce a desired behaviour.

An example of “stick” I’d try to beat myself with in order to exercise regularly:

Me to myself: “Do you want thighs that look like Swiss cheese?”😛

The vision of a future me with “Swiss cheese thighs” kept me motivated for like 5 seconds after which I ate an enormous piece of french toast.  Plus it’s not like I walk around with my thighs around my neck where everybody can see them, so that wasn’t motivation enough.

“With the proper carrot, there’s absolutely no need for a stick of any kind. It’s a simple case of something to look forward to VS something to be afraid of.”

Instead of a “stick” (punishment), I decided to use the “carrot” (reward)

Lately, I’ve been averaging 8,000 – 10,000 steps a day…effortlessly…no matter the weather.

My secret? There’s a little coffee shop located in the bus station nearby our house so to motivate myself to walk for 45 minutes every morning, I decided that instead of taking my morning coffee at home, I’d walk 20 minutes back and forth (total 45 minutes) to go and get my coffee at the said coffee shop.

Since I am addicted to my morning coffee anyways I might as well couple it with something  healthy and beneficial, like walking.

Will walk for a double-espresso with 3 brown sugars. I feel so accomplished I could cry😎!

Doesn’t matter if it’s windy, slippery, rainy, cold, humid, I’ve got to get my coffee so I’ve got to walk. Period. I am not even doing it for my health, as sad as this sounds, I am doing it for a double espresso with three brown sugar. Yes I know sugar! the shame of it all! BUT it gets me walking.

I forbid myself to take my first cup of coffee at home.  At first it was a bit difficult since I usually take my morning coffee with dear husband. So I’d leave the house before dear husband wakes up so I am not tempted by seeing him drinking his coffee.

It’s been working pretty well so far and I intend to keep going. I suppose you have to know what motivates you and try a few things before settling on anything particular.

Anyways, I hope I was able to motivate you even if briefly to try and stay active any way you can during those quarantine times.

If you have something that’s been working for you, please do share. I’d love to hear it! Bisoux!😘🐍

THINGS I’VE DONE TO AVOID DEALING WITH REAL LIFE PROBLEMS

In this week’s episode of things I’ve done to avoid dealing with real life problems…

“The following could easily be filed under “new low” BUT is it really a low when you know upfront how low you’re willing to go?”

 

First, let’s weed out the “tackle it now” crowd with a couple of meaningful questions😉.

Has your shit hit the fan and people are dropping like dead flies but somehow you still can’t smell it?

Do you routinely give advice you don’t even know how to apply in your own damn life?

Do you look like you always have your shit together even when you’re basically walking around in a deep state of coma?

If so I have a list of small changes that you’re gonna love. These are things I’ve personally done instead of tackling real life problems. Thank me later.😼🐍

1. Shaving my head hoping it’ll uncloud my judgement🙄. The minute all my hair’s gone I morph into a puddle of regret, despair and bad decisions.
2. Make a five-year plan for my husband hoping he’ll make it big and I, yours truly, can finally shop all day. Conniving and delusional…an unbeatable combination, if you ask me 🐍😏
3. Call my niece and give her “life advice” I myself never practice. Luckily for me she’s a very polite young lady: She just answer the call two weeks later.
4. Go shopping with money I don’t have hoping a new look will give me a new outlook on life. It’s all about “investing in yourself”…you know…new look, new attitude…😔
5. Paint my nails a bright colour hoping it’ll bring clarity and direction into my life.
6. Revisit a 5-year plan and pretend it’s a brand new one. Well, technically yes, since I don’t remember doing any of it.😝
7. Call a long time bestie and speculate on the meaning of life without ever mentioning any action plan. We usually finish by rounding up the usual suspects: our parents.

Of course, all of this could be filed under “new low” BUT is it really a low when you know upfront how low you’re willing to go?

Now that you know all my secrets, I hope you won’t mind sharing yours😛. Go on and share! I won’t tell!

Gros bisous and talk soon!😘🐍

Things I do to avoid writing on the blog🙄

In my blogging journey, I’ve had days when I was so excited to write a blog post my hands could barely keep up with my thoughts. I’ve also had days when I’d gladly chose to be a loser for the rest of my life than sitting down at my computer and write a simple blog post.  So I thought I’d give you a glimpse into my “thought process” or the lack of it when inspiration and motivation have left the building without as much as a fair warning.

In this week’s episode of things I’ve done still doing to avoid writing on this blog😏🙄

• Call a long time bestie to discuss the latest skin care hacks and compare notes. Believe it or not beautiful, shiny skin can and will make you look more successful than you actually are…thank me later😎
• Review my vision board and double-check if having a blog really fit into my plan for my life🧐
• Nag my husband about something that happened way before we even met and hold him personally responsible. Unbelievable, I know…Dear husband has recently stopped falling for that one. Now he patiently wait until I finish rambling, opens my computer, pulls out a chair and instructs me to start writing ASAP.🤦🏾‍♂️🤷🏾‍♀️
• Paint my nails a bright colour to get in a “writing mood” except nail painting is usually closely followed by full-face makeup plus a couple of YouTube videos on how to “sort out your life”. At this point I am officially down the rabbit hole and there is no turning back…ever.😵🤪
• Wake up at 5:00 o’clock specifically to write but first start by watching a movie to relax. Promptly fall asleep and wake up just in time for work.😴🤤
• Make myself a coffee. Once coffee’s ready, realize I really want a latte. Makes latter and go watch 30 minutes of something…anything…
• Go through contact list and see who I haven’t called in a while and promise myself I’d start writing as soon as I give them a call. By the time I am done, it’s night time.
• Briefly check the same Instagram account to see if anything has changed since the last time I checked which is probably half a second ago.
• Write a list of things to do that should have been done 10 years ago.
• And the list goes on….

Of course while I am doing all this dear husband is patiently observing and trying to gauge when I might exactly…finally…start writing that long-awaited blog post until of course he loses patience and instructs me to start writing now.

As you can see no stone is left unturned in the war against productivity.

Now that you know all my top tips for the most unproductive day, I hope you won’t mind sharing some of the stuff you do to avoid doing things that you know you have to do. Please do share! Bisoux😘🐍

 

 

 

Quarantine: The weight gain is real!

“If this quarantine doesn’t end soon, I may need a second quarantine to sort out my weight.”

To all the people who knew me pre-quarantine, don’t be surprised if you fail to recognize me post-quarantine.🤦‍♀️

Last week, knowing I was probably gonna be working mostly from home, I made a very serious eating plan for quarantine life. The kind of plan you make when you have no intention of sticking to any plan: Drastic and vague (No point writing a book about it since we’re not gonna do it, right?).  

Like I said: Drastic like “I vow to stay away from all carb from now on and eat extremely healthy however long this quarantine may last”🙄. Of course no precision was given on what I was going to eat to achieve this lofty goal of mine. Why? Because a clear list of food would have made me realized the real cost of my outsized ambition so instead I decided to feed my delusions. 

In fact, right after I made that wonderful plan I came home to this: 

Turns out dear husband went grocery shopping and brought home three packs of bagels (shown in the pic above) plus a boatload of croissants (not pictured here since we ate it so fast that by the time this article was written, there was none left!).

“It’s clear dear husband did not get the memo of us munching on celery sticks while sipping lemon water. He’s on a different program. The carb overdose program.”

Imagine starting your quarantine with a boatload of croissants and bagels? It literally felt like a set-up. The croissants only lasted three days. The logic being the sooner we ate it all the sooner we’ll get to go back to our diet. I am not proud of us people, I am definitely not proud of us. To tell you the truth, I feel like I am in the backseat of a speeding car with a dead driver at the wheel.

If this quarantine doesn’t end soon, how am I going to explain all the weight gain? Well, if it’s any consolation most people are going to gain weight. I suppose I could become the only person who refuse to leave quarantine due to weight gain.

As proof, an excerpt of a recent convo with dear husband:

Me: “Oh my God! Look at that pic I just took of myself. I feel like I doubled in size!”

Dear husband: “Yeah…you definitely gained…”

At this point, my eyes are like daggers pointed directly at him. Only a person with foot in mouth syndrome like dear husband would ignore the silent warnings…

Me: “My belly is determined to go North while my butt insist on going South.”

Dear husband: “Yeah, you’re sticking out in all directions..”

The double-headed snake!🐍🐍🐍

The nerve of that man! He’s the one who went grocery shopping for “healthy stuff” and came back with a boatload of croissants and 3 packs of bagels. The thing is though, he’s close to 6 ft tall and I am only 5’2 so the risk of me looking like a can of tuna is getting very real. But then again with this quarantine stuff, the low mood and lack of motivation is real…

Bisoux and keep your social distancing!

 

 

Life is a marathon, not a sprint!

“If life’s a bitch isn’t it better to sprint through the crap than taking a leisurely walk?

I used to hear people say that all the time (Life is a marathon, not a sprint) and it used to get on my nerves. Why can’t life be a sprint? Now with a couple of hard-earned lessons from the school of hard-knocks under my belt, I am forced to realize there is some truth in that…

Growth is the law of life. You see it never stops. You reach a goal, that goal creates a new goal which creates new levels which creates new devils. Of course there is also satisfaction and joy somewhere in there however brief.

“Life is a marathon, not a sprint so get comfortable in the fight cause you don’t get to pause that hamster wheel just because you think you’ve made it. Some things take time. You don’t get to rush them. You can simply work your hardest and wait.”

Now this does not mean we shouldn’t try to solve our problems as fast as we can. Some of life puzzles can be solved rapidly if we work hard and smart, it simply means not all things can be solved as fast as we want it. Some things take time no matter how hard we work and how fast we want to go through them. Things like keeping healthy, building strong ties with family and friends, knowing self and finding something one is good at are ongoing challenges and do not stop just because we’ve reached a milestone or have been crowned 30 under 30 (Insert slightly bitter over 40 emoji here).

There’s no guarantee so take time to enjoy the scenery and smell the flowers along the way.

There is no guarantee. Just because you spend every waking moment building your dreams, relationships and health doesn’t mean they’ll last or that you’ll even get to enjoy them. Death happens to us all. Sickness happens to all of us. People change. Which is why it’s important to enjoy life while chasing that goal and make time for living.

I must say it took me a long time to get there as I sincerely thought I could speed up everything. But recent life events have forced me to reconsider.

What about you my dear readers? What do you think? Do you consider life to be a sprint or a marathon? There’s no right or wrong answer. Gros bisoux 🙂

Accept the damn compliments and keep it moving!

“I am one of those people who can’t just accept a compliment and move on. I need to be creative by burying the other person under a pile of outrageous attributes that even a loving grandmother would have troubling believing”…

Yours truly, resident cheerleader of the year

Do you struggle to accept compliments? There could be several reasons. Maybe you have difficulties believing nice things about yourself? Maybe you have resident cheerleader syndrome, meaning you believe your job is to empower people with you of course being the enlightened one?

Here is an excerpt of a typical conversation between me and a female acquaintance:

Scenario 1:

A female colleague is wearing a nice skirt and I, resident cheerleader of the year rush in to sing her praise. As a true Libra I am proud to say we’ve raised cheerleading to an art form. Of course some less enlightened souls would call it relentless ass kissing (namely dear husband who firmly believes one should tell people the truth even if it means social suicide).

Me: “Oh my God! You look absolutely stunning in that skirt”.

Colleague:  “You think so?”

Me: “Yes!”

Coll.: “Not so sure…”

Me: “Of course! I mean look at you!”

Coll.: “Oh, I don’t know. It’s such an old thing…”

Me: “Listen, you look good okay?” I said realizing this could probably last the whole day and I still needed to earn a living. At this point my desire to wrap things up is really strong so I discreetly start looking for the nearest exit. But just then, she turns the whole thing upside down and gives ME a compliment.

Colleague: “Well, what about you, Missy?”

Me: “Yes, what about me?”

Coll.: “Well look at you, you’d look good in that skirt, unlike me!”

Me: “Ooooooh!!! You think so?”

Coll.: “Absolutely! With your perfect butt and all!”

Me: “Oh stop! I’d much prefer to have nice curvy hips like yours?”

Coll.: “Oh no! Why? Trust me you don’t need that in your life.”

Me: “Well, let me tell you when I gain weight I feel like my butt could serve as my personal calling card.”

Coll.: “Oh no! you have the perfect butt!”

Me: “Stop! You’re the prize, not me!”

Coll.: “Noooooo, you are the real deal!”

Me: “Nooooooo! You missy are the business!”

………..

 Well, in case you’re wondering we did manage to get some work done that day…

There’s also Scenario 2 where some people just gobble down the compliment like it’s part of your job description🙄.

All this aside, a lot of us do that. Why do we do that, though? We can’t just accept a compliment and move on. Sometimes you stop to give someone a quick compliment and end up spending the rest of the day trying to convince them you’re not crazy or blind.

What to say then? You could say: “Thank you, you’re so kind!” or “Thank you for noticing!”.

Notice how I am always trying to add something else after the “thank you”🤦🙋. I am afraid it’s time to put this on my list of things to get therapy for……

What about you dear readers? Do you or someone you know do that as well? I want to hear about it!

Gros bisoux and talk soon!

ON BUYING EXPENSIVE THINGS

“People are quick to mention what money can’t buy but what they fail to realize is poverty buys you nothing. Nyet, nada, zilt.”

It’s a known fact that people who can’t afford things are usually the first ones to get them simply to prove they can. I myself occasionally buy things that are so above budget I am afraid to used them! Like that time I bought that expensive cream and spent my time admiring it and basking in my so-called good taste without ever using it😎.

As a personal rule from my delusional consumer book, before buying anything expensive I usually go through a whole range of emotion that would qualify me as a first rate patient for the finest psychiatric ward. First the flagellation stage, I remind myself that I belong to that exclusive group of people who have no business buying expensive stuff because:

a) They ( 🙋🏿‍♀️) just swore to their husband this was the last time they’re spending hard-earned cash on the latest wrinkle-fighting (Insert Fraxel laser sprinkled with goat testicle powder type of facial nonsense🙄) and the poor guy believed me😔…

b) they’re supposed to be on an accelerated saving plan that have yet to materialize🤦🏿‍♀️because there is always something better to do with money like”hair botox”. To me ”Broke with good hair” sounds like a good investment for the future😜

These people (and yours truly is at the top of that list) should realize they’re poor and just stick to drinking their 8 cups of unpurified water instead of spending money they don’t have on the latest  facial and skin care gadget.

Next in my buying process I also do a bit of introspection, read a few philosophical quotes on happiness and money, call a couple of equally delusional friend to help me to further justify the purchase and then I go ahead and buy whatever it is anyway only to realize a few weeks later that my life have not properly changed.

Naturally dear husband is never involved in this buying process. He usually finds out during a major barely-used item clean-out and I make sure to look as surprised as he does….

Dear husband: “What is this? When did you get this?”

Me: (Looking shocked and hurt) “I don’t know! Why are you always asking me about new stuff?”

Dear husband: “Well, you’re the one hunting for stuff like a groundhog about to hibernate so yeah I am asking you!”

Me: “Well, honey, sometimes I hear voices in the house, stuff fall on the floor so there could be a third person living in the house for all we know.”

Dear husband: (...??!! With face showing clear signs of system failure…)

At this point he usually leaves the room so as not to compromise his reputation as a patient man and since I am an equally smart woman I usually avoid him for the next 12 hours. The thing is he’s not completely above any criticism himself because he has his own demons (You can read all about it Here ).

Look, I would love to count myself as the enlightened one who have discovered a way to live her best life without spending a dime but I am not at that stage yet and I doubt I’ll ever be or even want to be.

I now focus instead on investing where it will make a true difference. For example, instead of buying make up every time I see a pimple, I invest in facials, good skin care and quality food while monitoring my stress level. While spending money I try to also focus on the quality of things instead of quantity and that helps a bit.

What about you, dear readers, what do you spend the most money on? How do you make your purchases count? Please do share🙃

 

A perfect wedding anniversary at Hogan and Beaufort

August the 20th was our wedding anniversary!!! It’s already been 3 years since we’ve been married. How time flies.

In fact, you can read all about our first date HERE .

Looking back it’s still the best decision I’ve ever made. Some things never change though like me hating surprises and dear husband insisting on surprising me🙄(no, I am not an ungrateful little person. Well, maybe?). So, like I was saying: I hate surprises with a passion. Particularly on special occasions and hubby knows this but still, he keeps on trying. I want to know in advance so I can plan my bragging, makeup, outifts, photoshoots and such. So, a week before our wedding anniversary, I casually asked him about planning something. He acted vague and uninterested which immediately tipped me off. Naturally, I spent that week casually dropping hint left and right. On the Jour J, the minute our car turned into a certain street I just knew we were going back to Hogan and Beaufort.

To tell you the truth, the last time we went there we were kindly gifted a 100 dollars gift certificate by a precious friend of ours and even with that factored in, we almost had a heart attack when the bill came. Dear husband in particular, considering the poor man was the one footing the bill at the time. Of course, I was equally shocked but a more moderate version of shock….like, you know, the shock of someone who’s not expected to foot the bill. So here we go.

First the entree: It was called something, something carrot (I am clearly not a food critic). With such portioning, I wouldn’t be surprised if a pack of carrot last them an entire season. As you can see, a glouton like myself is clearly not ready for high-class dining. We were explained in great details by the server that the carrot used in that dish comes from a long line of well-behaved carrot grown with great care and utmost attention. It’s like each plate came with a resume. After the server’s intro, I felt very proud and chosen to find myself in front of a carrot with such a distinguished pedigree.

“As usual, the entrée was so small, it looked like a portion you’d give someone who just underwent gastric bypass surgery.”

Then came “Le plat de resistance” and I am sad to say we demolished it like two walking deads feasting on animal remains. I am also very proud to say we took nice pics before digging in so we’re not complete savages.

Before..

After…

We ordered a side of pasta (forgot what kind they were) and I kid you not, there were 4 little pastas in the entire dish. One could easily have mistaken them for big worms.

The last time we ordered dessert, but this time we didn’t. Instead we finished the night with two pieces of cake from Rockaberry a place specialized in cheese cake of all sorts and solely responsible for most of my weight gain of the past few months😔. And then we continued watching Grimm on Netflix. A truly perfect wedding anniversary💕.

Thank you for passing by and Bisous 💋!

 

MY CARB OBSESSION: It’s a culture thing

Rice, quinoa, sweet potatoes, yams…Dear God will I ever be free from these temptations? I think not….my very DNA is against it.

My husband and I we often have discussions about carbs, specifically my carb obsession (Rice and quinoa all day and every day: sign me up for life please). As a Haitian, it’s safe to say carbs, specifically rice is part of my DNA. For my husband it’s not the same. He’s French, his obsessions look more like cheese and french baguette and so on. Which doesn’t bother me, Lord knows I’ve sacrificed a few pair of jeans to his cheese obsession. When we got together I was long and lean, now I am more of a “chubby fit” type. The problem with being chubby fit is there’s not much “fit” into the equation: It is mostly fat.

To be perfectly honest I sometimes find his attitude towards rice quite disrespectful :). Like that time he wanted to make a rice salad with mostly salad??!!! I simply had to have a talk with him:

-Me: “What are you doing?”

– Husband: “I am rinsing the rice with cold water”.

–  Me: …???!!!! (You could actually hear system failure sounds on my side…)

– Husband: “Well, honey, it’s a rice salad so I am rinsing the rice to get rid of the starch.”

–  Me: “Ok, let me get this right: First of all you throw the rice in hot water, then you go again and splash the rice with cold water and just when the poor suffering rice was starting to recover from the abuse, you slap it into a large bowl and proceed to bury it under an insane load of veggies like…like some dirty shameful little secret. “

-Husband: “….???!!!”

-Me: “Quite frankly from where I stand, it’s as if you’re trying to make it look like the rice wasn’t even there… do you realize the rice is doing all the work with no credit?”

Husband: “..??!!! ” (I could see he was debating whether I was on my period or not…)

-Husband:  “Well, this is how a rice salad is made, so…”

-Me: “No, no, no, if there’s rice somewhere, the rice needs to be the star of the show. Period.”

He looked at me like you would someone in need of a heavy dose of sedative. I looked at him like you would a two year old who just bit his playmate: With eyes filled with compassion and a clear promise of punishment.

Although you do know it’s normal two year old behavior, you also know this cannot go unnoticed. So you bite your tongue. You resist committing murder and you walk them through normal human behavior. Which is exactly what I did for dear husband. He wasn’t entirely convinced after it all but as an intelligent individual he did realize the need to thread carefully in the presence of a high strung (read hormonally unbalanced) individual  with a carb obsession.

I must admit I get heated and unnaturally excited when rice or any type of grain comes under fire. If that continues I may have to add some sort of rice routine to our foreplay…:)

The thing is where I come from rice is the sun that never goes down. In Haiti, if you have a full pantry and you have no rice, you have nothing to eat. Your pantry is automatically considered empty.  It is a culture thing.

What about you, dear reader? Is there any food that is so ingrained in your culture it literally became part of your DNA? Let me know in the comments below! Talk soon and Bisous!

My first time…First dates and the lies we tell

My first time meeting my now husband

I was talking to my husband the other day. He had been pestering me for weeks about my book and my posting more often on this space:

Husband: “When are you going to finish that book of yours?”

Me: “Soon….I have to rework the entire thing…I have plenty of ideas…you know…”

Husband: “That’s not what you said on our first date….”

Surprised he would even remember, I laughed. He laughed in return.

Me: “Well, we both said things that did not turn out to be quite true…you for example…”

Husband:”No, I did not lie!”

Me: “Do you really remember our first date the exact way it happened or is this just your favorite version of it?”

We both smiled……

First dates and the lies we tell….I remember our first date like it was yesterday. We met at a coffee shop, a second cup to be exact. I told myself a coffee shop is safe, if he turns out to be a total dick I can escape quickly and call it a narrow escape. To be frank, I don’t remember half the stuff he said. I was way too busy rehearsing my half-baked truths. You’d think I was preparing to take a lie detector test or something:

Future husband: “So what do you do, if you don’t mind me asking”

I spit out a sentence so basic in its simplicity and so encompassing, it could make you puke. A sentence that means nothing and everything. If you say that kind of sentence in a penetrated way and you happen well-dressed, you’re pretty much guaranteed to appear intelligent.

Me: “Well, I took some time off of work to finish a project that’s very close to my heart.”

A little bit of silence to let my tortured artist essence penetrate every fiber of his being. I am not just anybody, I have a big hairy audacious goal that I am working towards and you better take notice, you mere mortal. Being out of work for a good six months with bills piling up was in no way as glamorous or enticing as I made it look. I was on a very efficient diet: Noodles with a side of stress. I was working on the book as a way to escape the stress.

Me:”I am currently working on a novel….”

Future husband: “Cool….what is it about?”

Me: “Well, it’s about having the courage to follow your dream and not let society dictate who you are and who you can be”.

At this point I could not resist a proud grin. The sort of grin you have when you just aced a school exam because you studied hard. Now that I’ve aced the first few minutes and established myself as a woman of substance worth pursuing, it was my turn to ask questions. So I begin, in a relaxed way.

Me:” I am sorry I was so focused on myself. What about you? I mean I saw on your e-harmony profile that you work in video game. Any side project?

Future husband: ” I am currently working an an album with a singer friend of mine. We have a couple of roughly edited songs…”

I didn’t hear anything he said after that simply because I was off to soulmate land.

I could already see myself flying on private jets, walking around in expensive sunglasses and bags looking slightly out of touch and bitchy. To me this was a match made in heaven. Two creatively driven individuals getting together as one in order to fuel each other’s dreams. (Insert David Bowie and Iman emoji here. I’ll wait).

Needless to say that’s not how it all turned out.

He discovered my real dream was to live like the favorite pet of billionaire, spoiled and entirely provided for and I discovered that while he does have a couple of roughly edited song, he only works on that album every full moon. I discovered it was pointless to jump his back every time there’s a job opening in a faraway land and he learned not to be offended by the amount of time I spend in front of a mirror. He learned to be patient when I complain over and over about things I can but refuse to change and I learn to laugh on demand at his favorite jokes no matter how many times I’ve heard them. As you can see a match made in heaven.

I am learning daily the true meaning of loving somebody for exactly who they are and not what we want them to be because sometimes what we want them to be is not necessarily what they want to be. At some point we have to accept that.

Overall, we found love because we’re married now 🙂

What about you dear readers? I would love to hear about your personal stories and hide it all turned out. Gros bisous!

A YEAR OF NO GOAL: HAPPY NEW YEAR 2021

“I don’t know if anyone else noticed but as soon as we check something of our list of things to achieve, we tend to lose interest in that thing. We become complacent, as if that thing has now become a birthright of some sort”...

2021 is here and I find myself being truly grateful. At the same time I won’t lie, I am exhausted. Usually I would hop on the goal setting bandwagon and plan my heart away only to spend the rest of the year running in circle but this year I want to do something different: No goal setting.

In our world, life is often viewed through an accomplishment lens. We check things of our lists as if there was a finite quality to them.

Marriage (check)

Children (check)

Promotion (Check)

House (check)

I don’t know if you’ve noticed but as soon as we check something of our list we tend to lose interest. We become complacent, as if that thing has now become a birthright of some sort. As if the mere fact of checking these important things of a list makes them ours forever. That’s it, we don’t need to do any more work. Nothing can take them away from us. Well, if there’s anything 2020 has been intent on making us realize is nothing is truly ours. Not our jobs, not our spouses, nor our lives or the lives of those close to us. This is not a news, of course, but we somehow manage to forget it.

One of my biggest flaw is that no matter what I’ve personally accomplished, I always tend to look at life from the point of view of what I don’t have, always looking at what’s missing. This year, I would like to be more grateful, more thankful for what I already have.

So instead of putting a check mark besides these most important parts of our life maybe we should instead put a note that reads “work in progress“…. That way, maybe we’ll remember to nurture and cherish them for what they truly are: Things that can disappear in the blink of an eye.

Marriage (check work in progress)

Children (check work in progress)

Promotion (check work in progress)

House (check work in progress)

What do you think? What are your goals for this new year?

Bisoux and Happy New Year to you. May you be blessed beyond measure.