We all have that one item of clothing

Winter is firmly here. It’s been getting so cold so fast here in Montreal I’ve officially abandoned all dignity and desire to look human in the quest for warmth. I now will wear anything provided it’ll keep me warm, I don’t care if I look like a pregnant mouse. Which brings me to that very potent truth: We all have that one piece of clothing which makes us look like crap that we just can’t seem to be able to get rid of. Mine is a green coat. It is so padded, it could serve as an anti-nuclear shelter.

“When I wear that coat in wintertime it’s not unusual for people to offer me their seats in the subway probably thinking of me as a pregnant lady in great need of a seat.”

Every year, at the end of every Winter I swear I am going to donate it to charity. Yet every year, at the beginning of every Winter I gently pull it out of the back of the closet covered in shame and embarrassment. It has now become an inside joke between me and dear husband.

Dear husband: “I see the mattress is back…”

Me: ” Well, it’s just for today….it’s so cold so soon…besides the name has changed.”

Dear husband: “Really?”

Me: “Yeah, really….this entire look is now called the expensive dumpling look.”

Dear husband: “Wait! I have a better name for it!”

He’s so excited to come up with a fun name he doesn’t notice that if looks could kill, he’d be lying on the floor swimming in his own blood already…

Dear husband: “Wait for it: The walking mattress!”

Only the thought of going back to a dating site with the extra weight I’ve gained in the past two years kept me from murdering him…I remained silent for a good while hoping he’ll noticed he’s not exactly winning points here even if I was the one who started the name calling. Finally some sense seemed to have got into him.

Me: ” C’mon don’t be mad! You’re the one who started this??!!!”

Me: “Just because I started it doesn’t mean you have to finish it (Insert overly emotional person on their period emoji here, I’ll wait). Besides, as I told you countless times, this should serve as a signal for you to start showering me with compliments! “

Dear husband: “!!????” Clear signs of system failure showing on his face…

The poor man can’t win, I know. One thing though, there are three people I would not want to meet while wearing this very special piece of clothing: My ex, my ex’s girlfriend and my worst enemy. Why? Because I believe in winning, God damn it! Which is why I usually keep the hood down when I wear it to prevent face recognition.

Lately I’ve been pushed into a more sporty chic vibe in an effort to steer clear of the dumpling look and migrate more towards the healthy spring roll look. Sometimes I succeed. Sometimes I don’t. When my hormones are properly fed I somehow manage to look like a healthy veggie spring roll. But when it’s that time of the month and my hormones are raging I definitely look like a dumpling. I must admit I was never one to sacrifice comfort for pretty. Although my husband would swear the contrary.

What about you dear readers? What is that one item of clothing you hate but somehow keep wearing? Please do share!

Happiness is a state of mind

“You never know how good you have it until you don’t…Happiness is a question of perspective.”

Can you remember moments in your life when you had everything to be happy but somehow you weren’t?

I myself can remember loads of moments in my life when I did have everything to be happy but I just refused to play along and be happy. I insisted on being miserable. In my life it’s always when looking back I often realized that I was indeed happy in a specific moment. Happiness is a question of perspective. My mom used to always say: No matter how hard things get they can still get worst so enjoy the bad cause it may all change for the worst before you realize it. I used to think that was so pessimistic. Whenever she would say such things, I would hurry to cut her off with the usual:” Mom you’re ruining my fun!”.  But now that I am older I am forced to realize mom may have been up to something besides trying to ruin my fun.

EXHIBIT A:

In this pic, I was at my skinniest. Probably the skinniest I’ll ever be. But still I was not ahappy.

“To get that skinny level again, I’d actually need to cut off limbs which quite frankly I am not prepared to do.”

What I did: I spent most of my time stressing over things I had absolutely no control over.

What I should have done instead: Pull out all of my old clothes from my 20’s and try the hell out of them with pics to boot.

EXHIBIT B:

Take that other pic for instance with me standing holding a bag of popcorn…. (not my brightest hour, I know…).

“I looked like a snack in this pic but felt like a big bowl of mashed potatoes”

“I looked like a snack but felt like a big bowl of mashed potatoes”

In retrospect, I look damn well perfect but believe me I still wasn’t happy  with my size.  I thought I was fat. I remember agonizing over wearing that pair short thinking to myself I had gained way too much weight. I can’t believe I thought I was fat. If that’s not insanity,  I don’t know what is.

But then again it’s not just with my weight I do that, I also do that with plenty of areas in my life, always waiting for that future when I’ll finally be perfect and have everything I have ever wanted, forgetting in the process that I, not too long ago, was very much wishing and praying for what I do have now. I can’t promise I’ll change overnight but it is definitely an uphill battle I am willing to fight:).

What about you dear readers? I am sure I am not alone in this, feel free to share:)